Wednesday, July 18, 2012

How do you know if he's the one?

With Google's autocomplete feature,
you don't even have to know the whole question you are about to ask.

How do you know when you've found "the one"?  Is it when you don't notice anyone else in the room?  Is it when you only want to be wherever that person is? Is it when the nervous jitters of falling in love finally settle down into the calm nerves of being in love? 

How long do you have to know someone before you know they are "the one"?  Can you know at first sight?  After a few dates?  A few months?  A few years?   The topic of "how you know" and "how long before you know" came up while I was talking to a friend of mine recently.

The reason I pose the question to you, my readers, is because my friend and I had wildly different answers.  My dear friend Gertie, a sage veteran of the Pat Benetar school of love, believes that you need to know someone for a couple of years before you can really know all aspects of their personality and truly make an informed decision about your future with that person.  I don't believe that there is a minimum amount of time that must pass before you can know.  That said, I also don't believe that there is a time limit for knowing.  It all depends on the people involved.

Maybe your answer depends on your personal experiences with love.  Gertie has been down loves winding roads before.  She's had to take a few detours, has hit a few dead ends.  Needless to say, she is a lot more wary and cautious where love is concerned than I am.  I haven't hit any dead ends and very few detours in my search for the one. 

I never told any man those three little words before my honey.  Don't get me wrong.  My honey is not the first guy I've ever dated.  I just never felt about anybody else the way I feel about him.  Guys have said those three little words to me before, my honey is just the only one that got to hear them back from me. 

Okay, so this is five little words.  My bad!

Here are the best answers I have for the questions of when and how long before I knew he was "the one":
  • Within thirty seconds of meeting him, I knew I was interested in my honey.

  • Within a minute of reading that he had taken another girl to a Caps game, I knew I was in trouble because I wanted to cry.

  • Within three dates, I knew I could see myself spending the rest of my life with my honey. 

  • Within three weeks, I knew I couldn't stop myself from telling him I love you.
  • Within three months, I knew I never wanted to send him home again.

(Okay, maybe that last one was closer to two months.  Six weeks?  Fine, five weeks is my final offer, but I really had something going there with the threes.)

All I know is that when you know, you know.


  1. Interesting...

    I think experience, like you said with Gertie, and how you approach life in general affects how you look at this.  Some people lead their lives with the hearts others with their brains, neither is right or wrong but just different.

    The best way I could answer the question about how you know is if you choose to be with that same person each day for an extended period of time.  Whatever that time may be.

    When next steps for the relationship feel right (sex, moving in, marriage, kids etc...), and you continue to choose to be with that person, you take those steps.

    Because, just cause two people are married, doesn't mean they don't still need to choose to be with the other person each day.

  2. Often it is less about how you feel and more about how you intend to feel.  I know that is deep and I am famous for deep, but here is what I mean.  It is easy to fall in love, hard to stay in love.  If your significant other is someone whom you are willing to work hard for, then you are further along than others.

    Too Deep?

  3. GertrudeHopsingerJuly 19, 2012 at 6:46 AM

    That's not exactly what I said but I will blog a longer retort. If it's right for you, you will know. Love like ice cream comes in a lot of flavors, and no one but you can pick your perfect scoop!!

  4. LaineyLifeLessonsJuly 19, 2012 at 8:45 AM

    I agree.  It's all about the choices you make and your perspective is definitely affected by your life experiences.

  5. LaineyLifeLessonsJuly 19, 2012 at 8:49 AM

    Not too deep, just shows your perspective.

  6. LaineyLifeLessonsJuly 19, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    I knew you'd say something like that.  It was just the funniest conversation.  I've never heard so many opinions prefaced with "and I'm only talking about me" or "I'm not talking about anybody else, this is just the way it is for me".   You knew I was coming from the complete opposite end of the spectrum and you were being so careful not to judge or sound disapproving of my end of the spectrum.  I absolutely love you for that.