Sunday, May 20, 2012

Does This Stress Make Me Look Fat?

(and other questions you shouldn't answer)

We survived Mother's Day!  My honey won the battle over who would be cooking by being the first to get out of bed that day.  Can you really call a thirty second conversation a battle?  We're still so in the honeymoon stage that neither of us raised an eyebrow, let alone a voice at the other.  I was okay with that because I was such a shrew the day before that I figured if he wanted to cook, then I should let him do whatever he wanted.  I got to make the salad, set the table, and serve dinner, so we had a nice division of labor going for us.

My honey even excused my cleaning frenzy craziness, saying that I was stressed out and that it was okay that I vented a little in his direction.  I still don't think my behavior was okay, but if he's willing to forgive, then I am willing to forget.  He was such a good sport about my stressed out craziness.  So now he's seen me pretty much at my worst and he's still here... yay!!!

This week was fairly eventful.  I had to house sit/dog sit for my mother while she was out of town overnight on a business trip, which meant that my honey got to spend his first night home alone at the townhouse.  We texted back and forth before bedtime, like we used to do before we lived together. Then, I texted him an hour later when I couldn't get to sleep. 

A few weeks ago, when he was out of town on vacation and/or babysitting over at the Mynd's house and I couldn't get to sleep, I would watch the Western Conference hockey playoff games to get to sleep.  At the time, he thought he'd created a hockey fiend, but really I was watching the games because it made me feel closer to him since he's such a huge hockey fan.  I had to resort to watching the L.A. Kings decimate the Phoenix Coyotes to get to sleep while house sitting for my mom, too.  I even caught myself rolling over in the middle of the night and reaching for my honey, something my mother's dog did not appreciate, as I grabbed her at three a.m. instead.

It was only a night away from home, but we were both exhausted the next day.  Apparently, despite sleeping solo for the better part of thirty plus years each, neither of us can get a good night's sleep without the other being there anymore.  Weird, huh?  We caught up on our sleep the next evening before life started getting eventful again.

My honey's best friend, whom we normally dine with about once a week, got some bad news from back home that his mother had passed away.  His mother had been in failing health for months and he had visited her about three weeks ago when her caregivers warned him that the end was nigh, so this wasn't an unexpected event.  But losing a parent, even when you know it's coming, is never easy.  My honey rushed out to be with his friend (they were already planning to have dinner together, but he left early so they could have more time to talk) and I went over to my mother's house to have dinner before going to choir practice.

While my honey was off doling out a man hug,
I was dropping a bombshell on my mother.

I chose that evening to tell my mother about the fact that my honey and I were moving in together.  Maybe not the wisest course of action on my part, huh?  I'm sure you are wondering how she could possibly have not known about this life event, especially considering you've known about it for weeks and weeks.  Well, the answer is simple.  My mom doesn't know that I write a blog and I hadn't shared too many relationship highlights with her lately.

Believe it or not, I am pretty close to my mom.  My best friend once told me that my mother was really my best friend and my BFF just ran a close second.  I usually tell my mom everything.  In this situation, I didn't tell her much of anything for a couple of reasons.  First, it's not the world's most comfortable conversation to tell your Catholic mother that you are engaging in pre-marital sex.  Second, telling Mom that my honey was spending the night regularly and getting comfy in my home wouldn't exactly have been good dinner conversation with my brother, sister-in-law, and four year old nephew also at the table.  Third, telling the woman who moved straight from her parents' house to her wedded home that my significant other was moving in, despite the fact that there was no engagement ring on my left ring finger, wasn't going to be a happy conversation.  So, I procrastinated in tell her.  Can you blame me?

I probably would have procrastinated even longer, except for the fact that my honey was bothered by the fact that I was keeping our moving in together a secret from her.  He'd been encouraging me to tell her for quite a while and it needed to get done. I know that.  The sheer number of people who knew about our moving adventures meant that I was living on borrowed time to tell her myself before she bumped into someone who would inadvertantly informed her about my living situation by asking how the move was going.  This week, I put on my big girl panties and told her.  By the way, I was right.  It wasn't a very happy conversation.

Yeah, she wasn't too happy with me.

She isn't happy with me right now on many levels.  First, she asked how I knew we would be compatible living together and I, like an idiot, answered her. Thus, I confirmed her fears about pre-marital sex and her suspicions that my honey had been spending a lot of nights here.  Then, she asked about the impending move of my honey's parents.  Early on, I'd been told by a friend that my honey's parents were moving back to their home state of Indiana and he was getting their town house when they went.  Long story short, they aren't moving anytime soon and if they ever do move they will be selling their home. 

The 'no move' revelation brought on the wrath of the ignored mother, who'd been only too willing to be flexible on Mother's Day and at other times because she thought she would only have to deal with sharing us with the in-laws for a few months at most.  Upon hearing that my honey's parents weren't going anywhere, she promptly told me what she thought about all that flexibility she'd been showing.  She doesn't like having to share me with another family.  She doesn't like not getting to see me daily and wondering when she will see me next.  In short, she's having some separation anxiety.

That's where we stand right now.  My mother isn't very happy with my recent life choices.  My honey got an extra dose of stress, when he really didn't need another person to worry about, as I came home all freaked out after receiving maternal disapproval for the first time in my life.  And we still had a busy weekend of family and friend events ahead of us, but that's a story for a later blog.


  1. Good job gor ripping the bandaid but it was inevitable. In the end it will all turn out okay. You know the mother, she'll come around and you'll all make adjustments to make it work. :)

    1. Ignore gor it just popped in!

    2. It was like ripping a bandaid off! The worrying about it was probably worse than the actual experience, but it still wasn't pleasant being on the receiving end of maternal disapproval. I've only ever really seen that aimed at my brother. No fun at all.

  2. I wasn't brought up Catholic or with hard values about pre-martial sex etc... but I found it hard to tell my parents when me and the Mrs moved in together, and they weren't ecstatic either.

    Now that I am a parent, I think the disapproval and complaining has less to do with the actual choices their grown up kids make; and more to do with the fact that they have grown up kids who enter into new stages of life and remind the parents of the cycle of life and that they are getting older - at least that's how it seemed for me.

    Don't want to comment bomb your post, but your situation resonated with me and reminded me of our situation 10 years ago.

    1. Thanks for the insight and for letting me know I'm not the only one whose experienced this. It will work itself out and be fine eventually, I'm sure. (probably shortly after a certain finger gets a ring on it) lol